It’s the Virus, Stupid!

For some reason today as I was thinking about how much my mood had shifted – day three on real lockdown – that phrase came to mind. Some of you may remember it as – “It’s the economy, stupid.” from a campaign cycle years ago, but my thought came to “It’s the virus, stupid.”  And yes, I do realize that stupid isn’t a nice word.

But that’s how I’m feeling…stupid, scared, sad and generally out of sorts. I don’t know what the right thing is to do. These are unchartered waters. For all of us. All. Of. Us. Let’s first remember that. We have had other national emergencies, but this seems and feels different to me. Not less scary than the terrorist attacks of 9-11, but while we haven’t forgotten the horror and fear of that event, we might have forgotten we weren’t sure at that time how long things would be bad and if life would ever be normal again. We didn’t know. We didn’t know.  This feels different for me I think because I’m not as worried about me, as I am about possibly giving an a loved one or a stranger a disease that could kill them. That’s scary. 

Feeling stupid because I don’t know what the right things is – even for simple decisions, like should I go to the grocery store? Should I eat take out from containers that might be contaminated? Stupid. Will we all be able to receive the care we need? With the stupid answer being no. And for many of us, who foolishly believe because we live in the modern, westernized world, we will get medical care that’s unsettling. I’m not talking about medical care for things like cancer and rare diseases or trying to debate health care for all or the inequalities of our medical/healthcare world. Those are all real, but not what I am talking about here. I’m talking about the care we all thought we could get if we came down with pneumonia. We now know that if many of us come down with coronavirus and it’s devastating respiratory issues at the same time – we won’t get care. There won’t be enough to go around. That’s different than some random act of violence impacting us. Again, no less scary, but different. We also know that it’s something we can help stop spread, not always the case with violence. Then we see others not participating in our social distancing to help flatten the curve. (By the way, did most of us understand that terminology a week ago?) That adds to my feeling stupid, scared and sad.  Plus maybe a bit mad. 

I’m scared for those I love. First I’m scared on the basic level. I don’t want people I love to die. Especially not from a virus I might give them. Then there is the next level of fear. The fear for the ones that own small businesses (one of our very own Three Honest Women), those who are self employed, service providers and the recently retired. Or for that matter any retired. I’m not sure what I can do to help the first ones in that list, but I’m going to try. As for that last group, that’s one I am now a part of – the recently retired.

The Mehigans are in our first year of navigating retirement for the bread winner. This has definitely been a downer. We were just learning how to spend more time together and less money. Now we are basically stuck together with internet shopping being one activity! Wow. I’ll just leave that one right there. Thank god we don’t need our nest egg yet, because don’t even look at your 401K. Really, don’t even look. And we are in a better place than some. We have things to sell – if we can find a buyer. Pat and I could also go back to work. If we can find someone hiring. But there are some who are really in the final stages of retirement – can’t sell and can’t work. 

Totally scared for my 13 year old and how this will impact her. Who knows what the repercussions of being a 13 year old only child stuck in your house for 4 weeks or longer will have. Who knows. On line learning…well I’m not sure about that. Only because it is so new for our family and our school. The school – and probably all schools – is trying really hard, but again new territory. So that makes me not only scared, but feel stupid. Tess is only in 7th grade, plenty of time to work that out, but what about high school juniors?  What about the families that don’t have access to the internet or home computers? What happens to those kids? That is scary and sad. 

Sad. Well I’m sad for a lot of reasons. I know people who live alone (another one of the Three Honest Women) and I worry about them. For 13 years I’ve spent a good part of my life alone, but at around 5 pm some adult always showed up. For some of these people living alone that happened because they went to the gym or the grocery. Or for many of them, to work. Things they no longer can do. Being alone all the time is sad and scary. I know. 

I’m sad for people around the world that are dying alone. Dying alone because there isn’t enough protective gear for families to be with their loved ones as they die. Sometimes not even enough for anyone to be with them as they die. While I realize we are all going to die, I have always hoped I didn’t die alone nor did anyone I loved. Naive maybe, but honest and hopeful. Funerals can’t be held and loved ones left behind comforted during the time of social distancing. I have seen how important this is. It can be a life line for those during this time of need.

I’m feeling stupid, scared and sad, but “it’s the virus, stupid.”  This won’t be forever and let’s hope we learn different things from this experience. If we don’t – shame on us. In the meantime, be kind to yourself and others. Check on people you love; people living alone; your neighbors; small business owners; and retired folks. Just reach out – but only within 6 feet. Tell them you care. Tell them you know they are out there, even if you can’t touch them right now.

Breath deeply, wash your hands – It’s the virus, stupid. 

xo