Fear.
It’s a small word with big meanings and big consequences. For all of us.
Fear is defined by Webster’s dictionary as “an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.” For me fear has often been more of the unknown or things we couldn’t touch than it has been of real danger – like violence. In that I am lucky. For many fear is really of imminent danger to their lives, families or person. While very real, that is different than the fear I’m addressing.
This fear is the fear that has stopped me from many things in my life. It is also the fear I feel is stoking so much of what is going on in our world. Certainly things happening in my immediate world.
I would say that most of my life – particularly my younger one – I let fear motivate me and make decisions for me. Some of that might have been good, but much of it was bad. For example, I was afraid to move to a big city and pursue my journalism dream after I graduated from college. Why? Well, fear – fear of failure, fear of big cities, fear of being alone, fear of leaving my comfort zone. For sure FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN! All real fears…or are they?
What is the worst that could have happened from any of those fears?
Failure. Well I would have maybe lost my job and some money. All things I could have worked to fix and change. I was young. I had time. My ego would have suffered, but that too would have recovered with time. And as I say now, my hometown or where I was coming from wasn’t going any place. I could have always gone back. As we age, failure does come with much bigger and real consequences. Always something to consider.
Big cities. That fear is a bit more real for someone from a small town, but later I moved to Chicago and LOVED it. A big city does have lots to “fear.” There is a lot going on in a big city that isn’t in rural America. I figured out the mass transit and when I got lost people helped. I honestly never felt really afraid there. I maybe should have, but I didn’t. And I was cautious for the most part. I learned so much about people that were different than me. And not just different looking, but those who had had different upbringings and lives than mine. Most of my life had been spent in Kentucky with people who not only looked a good bit like me, but had had most of the same experiences I had had.
Being alone. Something I think most of us are afraid of, but don’t we all at some point find ourselves alone? And frankly, it’s something we should all be more comfortable with. I have found myself many times since college very alone – places where I knew no one, places where I had no friends – and those times taught me way more about myself and the world than the times I was surrounded by family and friends.
Leaving my comfort zone. See being alone above. We learn so much when we leave our comfort zones. It can be scary, but this is how we learn about the world and ourselves. And frankly, how we succeed. By succeed, I don’t mean a specific definition of success, but more how we succeed in being the best we can be – whatever that is.
So when I look at those “fears” and what they really are, they don’t seem so real or scary. As I’ve aged, I’ve stopped letting fear make decisions for me as much as I did. And frankly, that has made me more open and accepting of myself.
Some of what I see in the world today seems to be motivated by this brand of fear. Fear of things, cultures and people we don’t know. That fear of the unknown – failure, being alone, big cities, leaving your comfort zone. And some of those things are scary, but I think letting fear make decisions for us is way scarier.
Like it or not, our world is a global one and there is no going back. There is no way to go back to the way we all were before we could easily travel to far away lands and video chat with colleagues and family half way around the world, like they were right next door. Not going back. And do we want to? Not sure, but it doesn’t matter. We aren’t.
In so many ways our world and we – individually – have benefited greatly from the expansion of our immediate worlds and from those who pushed through their fears. We wouldn’t have video chatting and smart phones if Bill Gates and Steve Jobs had let fear define them.
So let’s stop letting fear define us. Try something new. Eat a new food. Learn a new sport. Read a new book genre. Meet some new people that don’t look like you or even think like you. Attend a different church. All of these things might seem scary or weird, but I’m guessing you find how exciting it is and yes, even freeing.
I think what most of us would learn is that that the big city isn’t that different from our small towns. Everyone has failed and learned from it. We’ve all been alone – sometimes because of our fear – and would agree being with others is more fun.
Fear. Don’t let it define us.