Work? Why Would You Want To Do That? And Other Stupid Comments…
I have been wanting to return to work for the past couple of years — pretty seriously. When I quit working 10 years ago I never planned or imagined it would be for 10 years! 10 years!
I quit work when Tess was around 2 years old. The part time job I had at the time running a small association was developing into something more than I wanted to do and honestly was able to give with a small child. I’m a fairly self aware person and I knew that if I was going to work 40 plus hours a week, my entire family would be miserable. Tess still needed a lot and my husband has/had a very demanding job, so I knew most of the child care, house work and life planning would fall on my plate — in addition to this full time job that I liked, but didn’t love. Fortunately for me, my husband’s demanding job also pays him well and I didn’t have to work. So I quit. Win, win. Or was it?
Over the past 10 years I have thought about going back to work many times. Many times. And thought a lot about what I could do and what I would want to do. What do I have to offer? Would it make sense to go back to work? Would my family manage?
About two years I ago I got very serious about going back to work and really began to answer the questions I had asked earlier. What do I have to offer? A lot. I’m not perfect, but I have plenty of skills, training and education. Would it make sense to go back to work? Yes. My family doesn’t need me the same way they did when I stopped working and it would be good for my mental health. Would my family manage? ABSOLUTELY! In fact, I think it would be good for my daughter. I know because I am around and because I am a control freak I over manage and do things for her she can CERTAINLY do on her own.
So I paid someone to update my resume, in other words make it something that today’s employers would read, began looking at job employment sites and sharing my resume with friends I thought might have good ideas or insights for me on the job market.
Here’s where things got weird and off track.
Apparently there are no part-time jobs for people like me unless they are in retail or fast food. Both of which are viable options. I’ve certainly done both and I love retail. However, neither of those really fit my life at that stage. I didn’t want to pay babysitters to watch my kid on the weekend and on some nights to make $15 an hour. At the time, I was paying $13 an hour for sitters. That didn’t make much sense.
This led me to think I needed to network more because maybe the types of jobs I wanted were filled through word of mouth more than other ways. So I shared my resume more. Several I shared it with were genuinely surprised. I get that, but at the same I thought…”wow these people have no idea who I am and quite possibly think I’m not very bright or capable.” I realize that a lot of these people never knew me when I worked, but they have spent some time with me.
Then came the most shocking part – I met with some of these people. I took them to lunch or out for coffee to pick their brains about what they thought I should do and how I could best go about finding a job. I did this for a few reasons. One I wasn’t very sure of what I wanted to do. Two, I thought they might know of jobs that I didn’t even know were jobs and finally, because I wanted their opinion about what they thought I might be able to do with a background like mine.
To be fair, I wasn’t and am still not sure what I want to do. I’ve never known what I want to do. So that’s sort of a problem, but I like to do and can do a wide variety of things. I think of my self as a generalist. I’ve had some ideas about things I think I would like to do — customer service, insurance and bank fraud, patient advocate. What I wasn’t sure about was how to get these kinds of jobs and where I should start looking. Or were there other jobs/fields I should consider with my background.
The people I met with first were men. Mostly because they were the ones I knew that had jobs and could help me network. I say this about them being men because once I did start meeting with women, not one of them ever said the following to me. NEVER.
“Why would you want to work?”
What? I just went through my abilities with you and discussed things I like to do and your response is that? Why would I want to work? Ummm because I can. I wasn’t sure how to respond to this without sounding flip, but really? Why do you want to work? Ok, let’s get the money question out of the way. Yes, we work to get paid, so we can do the things we need to do and want to do.
But that aside, why do we want to work?
Let me be honest with you just because I haven’t worked for the past 10 years doesn’t mean I don’t want to work. Here’s want I don’t want. To be treated like a door mat. To be ignored. To be dismissed. To not have value. Not paid a fair wage for the work I do.
And let me throw another honest statement at you — those are some of the reasons it was so easy for me to walk away from working 10 years ago. My work experience was not fantastic. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to work.
I still have a lot to give. A lot to give of value I might add. There are a lot of things I can do and I can do them at a professional level many part time job applicants can’t. And frankly, most recent college graduates can’t.
Many women feel this way. I know these women. We’d like to do something, but many of us do not want to work 40+ hours a week, at least not at this stage. That doesn’t mean we don’t want to work. Don’t offer for us to volunteer. Most of us have done that countless times. Who do you think raises most the money for the school? For the sports teams? Yes, moms (who are women in case you had forgotten). And volunteering is another full blog post. There are reasons volunteering isn’t rewarding in the same way a job can be.
Do potential employers think we have forgotten how to work because we haven’t gone to an office per se for the past 5-10 years? Believe me I haven’t forgotten how to work. I still get up every day or at least Monday thru Friday at 6 am. I still do my “work” everyday, whatever that work is for the day. I multitask. I keep complicated schedules. I get people where they need to go — even when it’s out of the country. I manage work contracts and schedules. I pay bills. I figure out complicated television and phone contracts. I spend hours on the phone with customer service reps. I figure out healthcare for a range of people.
Hmmm…that sounds a lot like jobs I’ve had before.
So why do I want to work? And why do other women like me want to work? Well, everyone’s answer might be a little different, but at the core I think most of us have one reason in common. To have a little something for ourselves and be needed by someone other than a family member. Isn’t that what most of us want from work, outside of the obvious? I have skills and abilities that I would like to provide to someone. In return I would like to improve some place or thing and be compensated for it. It’s that simple.
Two years later, I gathered up my energy and self esteem and I’ve started looking for a job again. Unfortunately, I’m running into some of the same problems I did before. “Why do you want to work?” Sigh.
I want to work because I can.