by Piper Plummer Mehigan | Jul 10, 2020 | Life In General
Just finished reading the book Pat gave me for Mother’s Day – “Somebody’s Gotta Do It (A Memo He knows me well – and he has been listening to me vent for the last 18 or so years, he has now known me. I’ve been venting much longer than the last four years about politics and the state of certain aspects of our society. For those that know me, this doesn’t come as much of a shock, for those that don’t you might wonder what I could have to be upset about. I would tell you plenty. I lean to the passionate side.
When I was younger I honestly wanted to be a US Senator. As I grew older, I realized this was probably not the right job for me. One, I have a hard time not getting upset (see passionate comment) about lots of things and taking verbal abuse from others and two, I have a few skeletons in my closet that I would like to stay there. I also thought said skeletons might keep me from getting elected. I now know that isn’t the case and most of my skeletons are nothing compared to what we now know you can do and get elected.
The last 4-6 years, but especially the last 4 have started me thinking about running for office again. I am deeply and truly concerned about a variety of issues and the state of our country. For me, this is not the America I knew or was raised believing in. I don’t care what party you belong to – nothing we are doing right now is working. Well, frankly there is no work being done, at least not by Congress. There is a reason they are the least liked profession in the US.
So this book – “Somebody’s Gotta Do It (a memoir)” – from Pat arrived at just the right moment. Because we have had some additional free time of late, I had time to read it (no excuses about all the other things I should be doing). I can’t say enough about what a great read it is if you are thinking of running for office or have any interest in politics. Full disclosure, Adrienne Martini is a Democrat and she comes at this book from her left-leaning positions. Martini ran for office because of what happened in 2016. She had so much anger and sadness. She needed a place to channel those feelings and felt she needed to do something. The subtitle of the book says it all – “Why Cursing at the News Won’t Save the Nation, but Your Name on a Local Ballot Can.” The local angle of this book is key and mirrors the way I have been thinking for a while. Due to many reasons, way more gets done now at our local level. This is where real changes are being made that are impacting our lives.
States rights might actually be playing a large role – for you conservative leaning types. I’m not an expert, so I have no idea what all of this will mean for the United States part of the United States of America, but we may just find out. A good bit of what happens in government has always been done on the local level, with most of us not even aware of all of it. During our recent crisis with the COVID-19 pandemic, we have seen a lot of state control play out. Again, for better or worse.
Martini ran for a local office, as a representative on the Otsego (NY) County Board of Representatives, in 2017 and won. The book is about what she learned both while running and after taking office, why she ran and why others like her need to run. It also discusses some of the obstacles to why people don’t run. She talks with others like her that were angry after 2016 and decided to run for office. Most of these people are women and women of color.
I gained many insights from reading the book, some new, some I already knew and felt, but wasn’t sure how to verbalize. Martini did a great job of doing it for me. Halfway through the book, I had decided I would run for some local office as soon as it was time (meaning elections would be held and terms would be ending). I worked for my local government many years ago and am well aware of the good and bad that goes on there. I’m also aware of the large quantity of programs and touches our local government has on our lives each day. So I feel this might be a good place for me to start trying to make a difference. I truly believe that for our government to work and work for all of us, those making the policies need to look more like all of us and the communities that they represent. There needs to be more women. There needs to be more people of color. And if they can be women of color – even better. They also need to be from different backgrounds and bring different life experiences with them. Period. I would not even pretend to know what it is like to be in the shoes of a first generation immigrant with little education access, low wages, living in an area of high crime and violence. Why would others pretend to know? While we can’t always know or have individuals in office that know, we can at least try to engage them in discussions when making policy that impacts their lives.
By engaging I don’t just mean through town halls or emails, let’s get them on city/county committees, encouraging diversity in those running for office, hiring them in government jobs, let’s really engage them. This brings us to our first hurdle for those of different backgrounds running for office, being involved in committees or even frankly voicing their concerns. Martini talks about how in her small community the county board and committees meet during the day, during working hours for the staff that handles the work the board and committees work on. They do this because the meetings take hours – they don’t want the staff to have to work additional hours after work (really long hours, some meetings take 4 or more hours), they don’t have a city manager format, so all decisions must have board approval. This is how they have always done it. For the most part, the only people that have time for this are the retired and business owners (who can set their own schedules). The job also takes a lot of time outside of the meetings and pays very little; in her county just a little over $13,000 a year. So, when you factor all of that in; people working in hourly jobs with no control over their schedules, moms with little kids at home or kids of school age, and just about any working person without lots of control over their schedules simply cannot run for office. Or even sit on committees. Ask yourself, what does that leave us with? Mostly white affluent men. That is not representative of our communities. There is no easy solution for this, but the first step is that if you can run, run.
Which Is why I was thinking I should run. Yes I am affluent, white and educated, but I am at least a woman. A woman who has been on the receiving end of more than her share of harassment. And I wasn’t always affluent. My mother’s parents lived in a housing project. I spent a lot of time there. My mother was the first in her family to get a college degree – frankly to graduate from high school. My dad’s family was better off, but his parents had not been to college. I at least have some perspective and have had family members benefit from the programs our government provides. The very ones that are frequently under fire.
I looked into my village’s board of trustees and committee make up. Here’s what I found. Of the 60 people on committees, 22 were women. That’s 36%. The village break down by gender is 50.77% female. The village board is made up of 7 members, only one member is a woman and the village president is a woman. That’s 28%. I didn’t delve into the make up of our state level representation, but based upon what I’ve seen, it’s probably similar.
So yes, I should run. If nothing else to start the conversation. But…and it’s a big, long buuuutttt…for now I’m not going to. First, see my original reasons for not running – skeletons and passion. After finishing the book, I don’t think my skeletons would matter, but I fear my passion might just get the best of me. In this day and age of social media, I’m just not sure I can manage the daily abuse in a way that would be constructive for me or my family. You say, it’s only a local election for village trustee. I say, I’ve lived here for 15 years and yes, it would probably be ugly. I have not always been treated the best here and I’m not even running for office. That too is too bad. Good people will not run, if we can’t become kinder to one another and be more open minded to differences.
For now, what I am planning to do is figure out how to help others get elected and find some issues dear to me that I can advocate for. This will be my way to channel some of my passion about the injustices I see happening in my community.
But…if you can run, run because somebody’s really gotta do it. And let me know if you need my help.
“There is no hero coming to save us, which is both the bad news and the good news. As important as national politics can be, one person can’t fix it so that we can all disengage again. We have to rebuild from the ground up, one small office at a time. We have to have the hard conversations in coffee shops and realize that we can’t change minds that really don’t want to be changed. It’s exhausting. It’s a mess. It’s frustrating. But we have to do it anyway. Civilization doesn’t just happen.” – Adrienne Martini
by Piper Plummer Mehigan | Mar 20, 2020 | General Health and Wellbeing, Life In General
It’s the Virus, Stupid!
For some reason today as I was thinking about how much my mood had shifted – day three on real lockdown – that phrase came to mind. Some of you may remember it as – “It’s the economy, stupid.” from a campaign cycle years ago, but my thought came to “It’s the virus, stupid.” And yes, I do realize that stupid isn’t a nice word.
But that’s how I’m feeling…stupid, scared, sad and generally out of sorts. I don’t know what the right thing is to do. These are unchartered waters. For all of us. All. Of. Us. Let’s first remember that. We have had other national emergencies, but this seems and feels different to me. Not less scary than the terrorist attacks of 9-11, but while we haven’t forgotten the horror and fear of that event, we might have forgotten we weren’t sure at that time how long things would be bad and if life would ever be normal again. We didn’t know. We didn’t know. This feels different for me I think because I’m not as worried about me, as I am about possibly giving an a loved one or a stranger a disease that could kill them. That’s scary.
Feeling stupid because I don’t know what the right things is – even for simple decisions, like should I go to the grocery store? Should I eat take out from containers that might be contaminated? Stupid. Will we all be able to receive the care we need? With the stupid answer being no. And for many of us, who foolishly believe because we live in the modern, westernized world, we will get medical care that’s unsettling. I’m not talking about medical care for things like cancer and rare diseases or trying to debate health care for all or the inequalities of our medical/healthcare world. Those are all real, but not what I am talking about here. I’m talking about the care we all thought we could get if we came down with pneumonia. We now know that if many of us come down with coronavirus and it’s devastating respiratory issues at the same time – we won’t get care. There won’t be enough to go around. That’s different than some random act of violence impacting us. Again, no less scary, but different. We also know that it’s something we can help stop spread, not always the case with violence. Then we see others not participating in our social distancing to help flatten the curve. (By the way, did most of us understand that terminology a week ago?) That adds to my feeling stupid, scared and sad. Plus maybe a bit mad.
I’m scared for those I love. First I’m scared on the basic level. I don’t want people I love to die. Especially not from a virus I might give them. Then there is the next level of fear. The fear for the ones that own small businesses (one of our very own Three Honest Women), those who are self employed, service providers and the recently retired. Or for that matter any retired. I’m not sure what I can do to help the first ones in that list, but I’m going to try. As for that last group, that’s one I am now a part of – the recently retired.
The Mehigans are in our first year of navigating retirement for the bread winner. This has definitely been a downer. We were just learning how to spend more time together and less money. Now we are basically stuck together with internet shopping being one activity! Wow. I’ll just leave that one right there. Thank god we don’t need our nest egg yet, because don’t even look at your 401K. Really, don’t even look. And we are in a better place than some. We have things to sell – if we can find a buyer. Pat and I could also go back to work. If we can find someone hiring. But there are some who are really in the final stages of retirement – can’t sell and can’t work.
Totally scared for my 13 year old and how this will impact her. Who knows what the repercussions of being a 13 year old only child stuck in your house for 4 weeks or longer will have. Who knows. On line learning…well I’m not sure about that. Only because it is so new for our family and our school. The school – and probably all schools – is trying really hard, but again new territory. So that makes me not only scared, but feel stupid. Tess is only in 7th grade, plenty of time to work that out, but what about high school juniors? What about the families that don’t have access to the internet or home computers? What happens to those kids? That is scary and sad.
Sad. Well I’m sad for a lot of reasons. I know people who live alone (another one of the Three Honest Women) and I worry about them. For 13 years I’ve spent a good part of my life alone, but at around 5 pm some adult always showed up. For some of these people living alone that happened because they went to the gym or the grocery. Or for many of them, to work. Things they no longer can do. Being alone all the time is sad and scary. I know.
I’m sad for people around the world that are dying alone. Dying alone because there isn’t enough protective gear for families to be with their loved ones as they die. Sometimes not even enough for anyone to be with them as they die. While I realize we are all going to die, I have always hoped I didn’t die alone nor did anyone I loved. Naive maybe, but honest and hopeful. Funerals can’t be held and loved ones left behind comforted during the time of social distancing. I have seen how important this is. It can be a life line for those during this time of need.
I’m feeling stupid, scared and sad, but “it’s the virus, stupid.” This won’t be forever and let’s hope we learn different things from this experience. If we don’t – shame on us. In the meantime, be kind to yourself and others. Check on people you love; people living alone; your neighbors; small business owners; and retired folks. Just reach out – but only within 6 feet. Tell them you care. Tell them you know they are out there, even if you can’t touch them right now.
Breath deeply, wash your hands – It’s the virus, stupid.
xo
by Piper Plummer Mehigan | Feb 24, 2020 | Life In General
Fear.
It’s a small word with big meanings and big consequences. For all of us.
Fear is defined by Webster’s dictionary as “an unpleasant often strong emotion caused by anticipation or awareness of danger.” For me fear has often been more of the unknown or things we couldn’t touch than it has been of real danger – like violence. In that I am lucky. For many fear is really of imminent danger to their lives, families or person. While very real, that is different than the fear I’m addressing.
This fear is the fear that has stopped me from many things in my life. It is also the fear I feel is stoking so much of what is going on in our world. Certainly things happening in my immediate world.
I would say that most of my life – particularly my younger one – I let fear motivate me and make decisions for me. Some of that might have been good, but much of it was bad. For example, I was afraid to move to a big city and pursue my journalism dream after I graduated from college. Why? Well, fear – fear of failure, fear of big cities, fear of being alone, fear of leaving my comfort zone. For sure FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN! All real fears…or are they?
What is the worst that could have happened from any of those fears?
Failure. Well I would have maybe lost my job and some money. All things I could have worked to fix and change. I was young. I had time. My ego would have suffered, but that too would have recovered with time. And as I say now, my hometown or where I was coming from wasn’t going any place. I could have always gone back. As we age, failure does come with much bigger and real consequences. Always something to consider.
Big cities. That fear is a bit more real for someone from a small town, but later I moved to Chicago and LOVED it. A big city does have lots to “fear.” There is a lot going on in a big city that isn’t in rural America. I figured out the mass transit and when I got lost people helped. I honestly never felt really afraid there. I maybe should have, but I didn’t. And I was cautious for the most part. I learned so much about people that were different than me. And not just different looking, but those who had had different upbringings and lives than mine. Most of my life had been spent in Kentucky with people who not only looked a good bit like me, but had had most of the same experiences I had had.
Being alone. Something I think most of us are afraid of, but don’t we all at some point find ourselves alone? And frankly, it’s something we should all be more comfortable with. I have found myself many times since college very alone – places where I knew no one, places where I had no friends – and those times taught me way more about myself and the world than the times I was surrounded by family and friends.
Leaving my comfort zone. See being alone above. We learn so much when we leave our comfort zones. It can be scary, but this is how we learn about the world and ourselves. And frankly, how we succeed. By succeed, I don’t mean a specific definition of success, but more how we succeed in being the best we can be – whatever that is.
So when I look at those “fears” and what they really are, they don’t seem so real or scary. As I’ve aged, I’ve stopped letting fear make decisions for me as much as I did. And frankly, that has made me more open and accepting of myself.
Some of what I see in the world today seems to be motivated by this brand of fear. Fear of things, cultures and people we don’t know. That fear of the unknown – failure, being alone, big cities, leaving your comfort zone. And some of those things are scary, but I think letting fear make decisions for us is way scarier.
Like it or not, our world is a global one and there is no going back. There is no way to go back to the way we all were before we could easily travel to far away lands and video chat with colleagues and family half way around the world, like they were right next door. Not going back. And do we want to? Not sure, but it doesn’t matter. We aren’t.
In so many ways our world and we – individually – have benefited greatly from the expansion of our immediate worlds and from those who pushed through their fears. We wouldn’t have video chatting and smart phones if Bill Gates and Steve Jobs had let fear define them.
So let’s stop letting fear define us. Try something new. Eat a new food. Learn a new sport. Read a new book genre. Meet some new people that don’t look like you or even think like you. Attend a different church. All of these things might seem scary or weird, but I’m guessing you find how exciting it is and yes, even freeing.
I think what most of us would learn is that that the big city isn’t that different from our small towns. Everyone has failed and learned from it. We’ve all been alone – sometimes because of our fear – and would agree being with others is more fun.
Fear. Don’t let it define us.
by Piper Plummer Mehigan | May 3, 2019 | Business As We Have Learned
I have been wanting to return to work for the past couple of years — pretty seriously. When I quit working 10 years ago I never planned or imagined it would be for 10 years! 10 years!
I quit work when Tess was around 2 years old. The part time job I had at the time running a small association was developing into something more than I wanted to do and honestly was able to give with a small child. I’m a fairly self aware person and I knew that if I was going to work 40 plus hours a week, my entire family would be miserable. Tess still needed a lot and my husband has/had a very demanding job, so I knew most of the child care, house work and life planning would fall on my plate — in addition to this full time job that I liked, but didn’t love. Fortunately for me, my husband’s demanding job also pays him well and I didn’t have to work. So I quit. Win, win. Or was it?
Over the past 10 years I have thought about going back to work many times. Many times. And thought a lot about what I could do and what I would want to do. What do I have to offer? Would it make sense to go back to work? Would my family manage?
About two years I ago I got very serious about going back to work and really began to answer the questions I had asked earlier. What do I have to offer? A lot. I’m not perfect, but I have plenty of skills, training and education. Would it make sense to go back to work? Yes. My family doesn’t need me the same way they did when I stopped working and it would be good for my mental health. Would my family manage? ABSOLUTELY! In fact, I think it would be good for my daughter. I know because I am around and because I am a control freak I over manage and do things for her she can CERTAINLY do on her own.
So I paid someone to update my resume, in other words make it something that today’s employers would read, began looking at job employment sites and sharing my resume with friends I thought might have good ideas or insights for me on the job market.
Here’s where things got weird and off track.
Apparently there are no part-time jobs for people like me unless they are in retail or fast food. Both of which are viable options. I’ve certainly done both and I love retail. However, neither of those really fit my life at that stage. I didn’t want to pay babysitters to watch my kid on the weekend and on some nights to make $15 an hour. At the time, I was paying $13 an hour for sitters. That didn’t make much sense.
This led me to think I needed to network more because maybe the types of jobs I wanted were filled through word of mouth more than other ways. So I shared my resume more. Several I shared it with were genuinely surprised. I get that, but at the same I thought…”wow these people have no idea who I am and quite possibly think I’m not very bright or capable.” I realize that a lot of these people never knew me when I worked, but they have spent some time with me.
Then came the most shocking part – I met with some of these people. I took them to lunch or out for coffee to pick their brains about what they thought I should do and how I could best go about finding a job. I did this for a few reasons. One I wasn’t very sure of what I wanted to do. Two, I thought they might know of jobs that I didn’t even know were jobs and finally, because I wanted their opinion about what they thought I might be able to do with a background like mine.
To be fair, I wasn’t and am still not sure what I want to do. I’ve never known what I want to do. So that’s sort of a problem, but I like to do and can do a wide variety of things. I think of my self as a generalist. I’ve had some ideas about things I think I would like to do — customer service, insurance and bank fraud, patient advocate. What I wasn’t sure about was how to get these kinds of jobs and where I should start looking. Or were there other jobs/fields I should consider with my background.
The people I met with first were men. Mostly because they were the ones I knew that had jobs and could help me network. I say this about them being men because once I did start meeting with women, not one of them ever said the following to me. NEVER.
“Why would you want to work?”
What? I just went through my abilities with you and discussed things I like to do and your response is that? Why would I want to work? Ummm because I can. I wasn’t sure how to respond to this without sounding flip, but really? Why do you want to work? Ok, let’s get the money question out of the way. Yes, we work to get paid, so we can do the things we need to do and want to do.
But that aside, why do we want to work?
Let me be honest with you just because I haven’t worked for the past 10 years doesn’t mean I don’t want to work. Here’s want I don’t want. To be treated like a door mat. To be ignored. To be dismissed. To not have value. Not paid a fair wage for the work I do.
And let me throw another honest statement at you — those are some of the reasons it was so easy for me to walk away from working 10 years ago. My work experience was not fantastic. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to work.
I still have a lot to give. A lot to give of value I might add. There are a lot of things I can do and I can do them at a professional level many part time job applicants can’t. And frankly, most recent college graduates can’t.
Many women feel this way. I know these women. We’d like to do something, but many of us do not want to work 40+ hours a week, at least not at this stage. That doesn’t mean we don’t want to work. Don’t offer for us to volunteer. Most of us have done that countless times. Who do you think raises most the money for the school? For the sports teams? Yes, moms (who are women in case you had forgotten). And volunteering is another full blog post. There are reasons volunteering isn’t rewarding in the same way a job can be.
Do potential employers think we have forgotten how to work because we haven’t gone to an office per se for the past 5-10 years? Believe me I haven’t forgotten how to work. I still get up every day or at least Monday thru Friday at 6 am. I still do my “work” everyday, whatever that work is for the day. I multitask. I keep complicated schedules. I get people where they need to go — even when it’s out of the country. I manage work contracts and schedules. I pay bills. I figure out complicated television and phone contracts. I spend hours on the phone with customer service reps. I figure out healthcare for a range of people.
Hmmm…that sounds a lot like jobs I’ve had before.
So why do I want to work? And why do other women like me want to work? Well, everyone’s answer might be a little different, but at the core I think most of us have one reason in common. To have a little something for ourselves and be needed by someone other than a family member. Isn’t that what most of us want from work, outside of the obvious? I have skills and abilities that I would like to provide to someone. In return I would like to improve some place or thing and be compensated for it. It’s that simple.
Two years later, I gathered up my energy and self esteem and I’ve started looking for a job again. Unfortunately, I’m running into some of the same problems I did before. “Why do you want to work?” Sigh.
I want to work because I can.
by Piper Plummer Mehigan | May 1, 2019 | Beauty and It's Products
I love beauty products and treatments of all kinds! Love them. I love trying them. I love buying them. Just love them. And I’ve tried and bought a lot. A lot.
It’s sort of funny considering I wouldn’t really say that I wear a lot of make up on most days. I’m also not that great at applying complicated cool make up. Not very good at fancy hair styles either.
But there is something I am good at – getting facials. Yes!! I love to get a facial. Honestly I love to be “rubbed” on in about any way by a professional. In other words, relaxation that I pay for! Done by someone trained and who knows what they are doing. Is there anything better?
Facials really not only keep us looking younger, but keep our skin in much better condition, which I guess is why they keep us younger. I wish I could get facials on other parts of my body – back, décolletage, hands. Of course, you can do this, but none of this is cheap and we have to make choices. So, I choose my face. It is the part – other than my hair – that gets seen the most. Polly once told me – “you spend $100 or more for a sweater that you might wear every two weeks. You need to spend money on your hair – you wear it every day!” Truer words have never been spoken. Same goes for my face.
So here’s my plug or honest take on getting facials.
I have been getting facials regularly for probably 7 years. By regularly I mean at least 6 times a year. Sometimes more if I’m lucky. And I have gotten all kinds. In my opinion microdermabrasion facials are the best type I have ever had. I wish I had discovered them sooner – maybe they didn’t do them 15 years ago, who knows. At any rate they provide the most benefit for your money. That said, they aren’t cheap, so if you can’t afford to do this even three times a year go for the other type of facials. They are all worth it and so beneficial to our skin. Maybe even to our mental status and health.
Microdermabrasion facials use a minimally abrasive instrument to gently “sand” your skin. According to plastic surgeons this removes the thicker, uneven outer layer of skin from our faces. Doesn’t sound great, but it can sure make a difference! The sanding feels a lot like a cat licking your face – rough and scratchy, but not really painful in any way.
The process helps a variety of skin issues from improving age spots to reducing fine lines and wrinkles – with a whole bunch of other benefits in between. It helps thicken your collagen, a thing our bodies used to make plenty of back when we were younger. Collagen it good for lots of things skin!
Below is a link to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons which can give a bit more medical information on the process. WebMD also has some information. Both sites make the process sound more medical than the services I get, so do some research on what is best for you. I go to a salon I trust in my home town and have it done by a board certified cosmetologist. A link to their site is listed below as well.
Another product I recommend if you don’t want to have a microdermabrasion facial is by Rodan and Fields – Micro-Dermabrasion Paste. This stuff is really great. While not as good as the facial, it’s a great product for home use and cheaper. I use it in addition to getting the facials.
While my opinion is not certified and I am not recommending anyone do anything they are not comfortable with or can afford, a facial is a nice way to relax and improve your overall skin tone. A win, win I would say. And that’s the truth!
https://www.plasticsurgery.org/cosmetic-procedures/microdermabrasion
https://www.webmd.com/beauty/cosmetic-procedures-dermabrasion#1
http://highbrowboutique.com
https://www.rodanandfields.com/Shop/Product/ENPS125
by Carol Roberts | Mar 26, 2019 | Life In General
Last week, I went into a local bank and opened a new savings account. Not for the purpose of saving money…but instead because the bank was offering a deal. If I opened a new savings account and kept a certain amount of money in the account for at least 45 days, the bank would give me $250.00. Being the shopaholic that I am, I knew I could use that $250.00! After all, this baby could use a new pair of shoes! I can never have too many shoes!
In the process of opening the account, the bank teller asked me one simple question. That one question threw me for a loop! “What is your address and zip code” she asked? I literally froze. I could not remember my own address or zip code! The address of the place I lay my head every night, the place I shower, eat, and do a million other things had completely vanished from my brain.
I’m sure the bank clerk was thinking “you’re not really Carol Roberts….identity theft, identity theft” and was about to call her supervisor and tell him to call the FBI. Either that or she was thinking “this lady had one too many drinks at lunch today.” Insert eyeball here. After about 20 seconds I managed to gather myself and simply said “good lord, I can’t remember s#@&!” I quickly rattled off an address and zip code. (I hope it was mine 😃.) What I really wanted to say was “Look young missy, someday you too will be standing at a counter and unable to remember just like me. And yes just like your mind, your youth and that size 2 body you have, will be a faded recollection by the time you’re my age.” But I’m not bitter.
While I make light of my recent forgetfulness, in all sincerity it causes me some concern. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease at the young age of 62. She died from the disease at the age of 80. During the last several years of her life my mother did not even know my name or recognize my face or that of my brother and sister. Thankfully, she seemed to remember my father — the one thing that gave me some sort of peace. She forgot how to talk, to walk, to eat, and even sit or hold her head up. She suffered, and trust me, I mean suffered for 18 years with a disease that is perhaps as puzzling as it is cruel.
According to the Alzheimer’s Association website, 5.8 million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s disease. By 2050, the year the young bank clerk will be a little older than I am now, that number is expected to grow to 14 million. Between 2000 and 2017 deaths from Alzheimer’s disease increased by 145% and today kills more people than breast cancer and prostate cancer combined.
These are frightening statistics! Don’t get me wrong, by no means am I saying that because I couldn’t remember my address or zip code I’m in the onset of Alzheimer’s disease. We all forget something so common and familiar as our address, zip code or phone number at times. I only know that Alzheimer’s disease sucks and I’m scared I will suffer from it just like my mother did.
*www.alz.org
by Polly Helm | Mar 14, 2019 | Life In General
From the time our children are babies we do everything we can to protect them.
We boil the bottle nipples (well maybe only for the first baby) and made sure they go to every well baby checkup. When they start to walk we follow behind them to make sure they don’t hit their tiny heads. When they start to ride a bike we run alongside so they we can catch them if they start to lose control. As they become teenagers we want to protect them even more – from all the mean kids, from the temptation of alcohol and from the one that will break their heart. We have talks and set rules. It’s more challenging to protect them as they grow in to young adults.
I have always tried to protect my girls, but I’ve tried not to hover. I never wanted to be the helicopter mom. This is a challenge and an art. When my oldest, Ellie, got her driver’s license I texted her every time I heard an ambulance. She finally told me I was disrupting her school day and she would let me know when she was driving. My own mother always told me that you have to give your kids enough rope to let them make mistakes, but not so much that you couldn’t save them if you need to. I laugh about this when I think of my sister and I driving way before cellphones. My sister once had a car catch on fire on the interstate. She caught a ride with a truck driver, stopped at a truck stop a couple of hours away and called my parents collect. Can you imagine a parent today staying calm in this situation? My mom also told me that you can’t always be with your kids and sometimes accidents just happen. She assured me that I would want my kids to grow up to be independent young adults. This was sound advice and one I heeded when our girls both selected colleges over 9 hours away.
On September 29, 2017 my husband and I experienced every parent’s worst nightmare. Our Ellie was killed in an ATV accident. She was 21 and away at college. This was a weekend trip we knew nothing about. Our lives were shattered – I will share more about this in a future blog- but we had to continue being a parent to our daughter, Hannah. We are now so vulnerable. We now know the worst can happen. How do we keep from being overprotective of our youngest daughter? We would love to keep her in a glass box but we know that is not fair.
When Hannah came to us last fall and said she wanted to go on Spring Break with a girlfriend my initial thought was “no way.” But my husband and I talked about it and it’s not fair to deny her the same experiences we had because we are too afraid. She is 20 and should be able to experience all that college has to offer. So we are letting her travel out of the country with a girlfriend. I have made a mental safety list for her and told it to her more times than she would like. She is a responsible young adult and I know will use her best judgment. That doesn’t mean I won’t spend the week worrying about her – as most mom’s do. I am trying to make a conscientious effort to not hover and be too over protective. I want my daughter to travel and study abroad. I want her to take risks and be strong. Fly my beautiful child – be the strong independent woman you are meant to be. I know you have a special guardian angel that wants you to live life to the fullest.
by Piper Plummer Mehigan | Mar 9, 2019 | Life In General
Menopause…one stage
While this topic has been covered a good deal, here’s something I haven’t seen – going through menopause is a LOT like being pregnant. But guess what…there’s no good gift at the end you don’t really feel like you are doing this for a greater cause. Well, I guess the greater cause is that you are still kicking. Yes, that is a good thing, but some days are not so great.
For the moment I am not going to focus on the overall journey of menopause, but on a “mistake” I made while on the journey.
I am 50 and started perimenopause in my mid 40s. Early, but my mom started at about the same time. At the beginning I had some hot flashes and fatigue, but nothing horrible. As time went on my fatigue increased and so did the hot flashes. The hot flashes I dealt with through some dietary changes (giving up red wine…boo hoo..) and taking an herbal remedy recommended to me by a doctor friend – Black Cohosh. The combination of these two things worked wonders. At some point however, the fatigue got the best of me. I wasn’t quite 50 and could fall asleep at 7:30 pm in a matter of moments!! Insane. My doctor recommended a low dosage of hormone replacement. I tell you all of this for background to what became my HUGE mistake that I had no real warning about.
Due to some other medical changes, my doctor changed my prescription. She also advised me that after having been on the replacement for a year, I might no longer need the replacement. My doctor said I might want to try at some point going off the medicine to see if I still needed the drugs. She felt I might be far enough along in menopause that I might not need the them any longer. Apparently, at some point (roughly after 5-10 years) women’s hormones regulate again and these symptoms stop. Much like our mood changes stopped when we left puberty. Her recommendation was that no one be on hormone replacement for longer than 5 years. I had only been on my for one, but because I was already far into menopause, I just might not need them any longer. She also felt because I was on a low dosage, I really wouldn’t need to taper off them if I decided to try not taking them.
Boy was a lot of that wrong!
Well maybe not wrong – as no one knew how my body would react – but let’s say it wasn’t good. There are so many things that people don’t tell you about menopause. Some of this is due to it effecting each person differently, but there is a lot that can happen! Outside of the things most people talk about – hot flashes, low sex drive, fatigue, mood swings, vaginal dryness and lack of sleep. There is also a myriad of GI issues. These range from bloating to very bad gas! Seems like something someone should have mentioned. And then to top it off, hormone replacement can make GI issues worse. Certain pills can cause same GI issues that the process of menopause does. My stomach was a mess. I went three days on the BRAT (Banana, Rice, Applesauce, Toast) diet after this decision to stop taking the replacement pills to see if I still needed them. While the weight loss was nice, I can think of way better ways to loose it!
And guess what? Still needed them! The process of going back on the pills and finding the right prescription wasn’t a great experience either. After several tries I think I have found the right mix, but I still don’t feel as good as I did before I decided to try without them.
What I learned from this is know what’s coming! And talk to your doctor. Don’t be afraid to call multiple times and try multiple different medicines. While I don’t recommend using “The Google” for medical advice and diagnosis, it can be helpful at times for providing you information you can use for minor illnesses along with your doctor or other medical professional to find a resolution. Here are some sites with information I found helpful.
Sometimes our guts can just get out of sync..menopause can make this more frequent (particularly for those prone to stomach issues). Here are some sites I found helpful.
https://www.everydayhealth.com/digestive-health/tips-for-better-digestive-health/
https://www.verywellhealth.com/stomach-problems-causes-1945283
Here is a good site on on all things menopause related.
http://www.allthingsmenopause.com/expert-voices/
I always find WebMD helpful for reasonable suggestions and information about a variety of health topics.
https://www.webmd.com/menopause/guide/menopause-symptoms-types
Here’s to better info! And the truth…because you can handle it!
